The Freedom of Saying NO
Budgeting is not deprivation
This is part 3 in my summer series on financial minimalism. There’s no particular order, but I’ll leave links to the previous posts. Relax, sip on the mocktail, the lazy summer is here.
Do you know what else gets the label lazy sometimes? Saying NO to things, experiences and commitments. We live in a world of MORE and a mean cult. More things, more travel, more hobbies, more money—we’re all culturally conditioned to believe that equates to a better life.
How About NO?
I sense the fear creeping. What do you mean, Ella? That travel is somehow bad and I need to deprive myself of life-changing experiences to save money or join the counter-cult of minimalism?
You call it deprivation, I call it empowerment.
I’m not even trying to play a game of switching perspectives in the name of positivism. I’m simply sharing that I’ve personally experienced much more happy-I’m alive!-moments making hard choices about my money and time, compared to default participation in socially acceptable behaviors. Maybe you will too? Here’s how to take it step by step.
Selective Frugality
I’ve written about this before. I think it’s the perfect way to illustrate the empowering nature of saying no.
Very easy: I refuse to spend a lot of money (or at all) on some budget categories that don’t add to my happiness or overall enjoyment of life. I don’t care if I see ads for the next cool trend or if everyone around me has a shopping habit. There are also plenty of things that are just not me and I have no space to pretend: I’m not a foodie, I’m not a vacation-in-the-sun kinda bum, I’m not a big-house-to-store-things kinda person either.
Conversely, I’m absolutely committed to spending money and my precious time on things and activities I care about: anything community related, clothing made from natural fibers, a couple of weird hobbies and the best mattress I was able to find. It’s not a joke that we spend 1/3 of our lives in bed, and for me that’s enough of a good argument to prioritize quality.
Is this deprivation? It looks like quite the opposite to me! Living my best life indulging in all the things I love, all made possible by saying NO to the things I don’t care about.
You can’t have too many priorities
In an ideal world, I’d live a couple of lives back-to-back to have all the time to do all the things that spark my interest. Time is limited though, and that means I’ll never be a surgeon or play chess professionally. Yes, I can make the choice to prioritize either of those even later in life. And also: I made the choice to not do that.
It’s the same with money. ‘Priorities’ have their way of creeping in, even if you’re a generally disciplined and intentional person. I used to not have many hobbies and enjoy the focus of one or two inexpensive activities. But in the past couple of years I’ve been finding waaay too many fun and joyous hobbies I would love to take on more seriously.
Yet the answer is still NO 💪
More hobbies means more time taken from the things that are already part of my life and value system. Perhaps I’ll get bored at some point in the future or decide I need a change; then I’ll have a full list to pick from. More hobbies also means more money spent on supplies and events, and I’m not willing to take that money away from other things I need and love.
Then there’s the freedom bit.
I know saying no is hard, thanks Captain Obvious. Yet there’s so much joy and so much life in eliminating some of those ‘priorities’ completely. Deciding comes with so much freedom to direct energy and money to the things you said YES to.
Make a ‘stop doing’ list
Some time ago I noticed that whenever I sat down and made a to-do list in order to get my life together after a busy period, I ended up with something more akin to a ‘stop doing’ list. I realized I was usually more in need of getting rid of commitments and distractions, than I was in need of a classic list of things that need doing.
So now I use this intentionally. Here’s what mine usually looks like:
stop watching YT videos just to have some background noise
stop distracting myself by finding reasons to go buy some random thing that can wait until the next grocery order
stop buying unhealthy meals when I’m out and about town
stop saying yes to invites just because I feel I need to keep in contact with old friends, otherwise I haven’t done my bit in tribe life and I will be voted out first
stop spending money on things everyone else spends money on (like new clothing every year and expensive summer holiday stays)
None of these things is inherently bad, by the way! In the right context, finding motivation to get out of the house can be positive. So please think about your own situation when you make your decisions because what you need is very likely not what everyone else around you and on social media says you need. So how about you? What’s on your stop doing list?
Also: how about a stop spending list? 💰
You don’t even need to stop spending per se, just make a list. It’s the exercise that matters, even if it’s not followed by action directly. We’re humans. Imperfect. Perfection is not even desirable because it leads to stress and rigidity. It’s the same with your money decisions: they will never be perfect, and still they enable you to live a beautiful life.
The Missing Money Piece is a newsletter about money culture. Here’s what you can expect every (other) Sunday:
Money mindset tips. Those soft gummies and hard pills.
Personal stories of personal development. Watch me grow up.
Step-by-step budgeting articles — these go with The Solo Budget (get on Gumroad or Ko-fi), the budgeting system I’ve been using successfully for 10+ years. Now available in cute spreadsheet form to other humans.
Quite honestly — the same universal personal development advice you find everywhere, but in my (many times) unfiltered voice.